You don't need an iPad.

 Is there anything you need less in your life than a 3D television set? I saw a newspaper advertisement for one at the weekend featuring a family wearing crazy old-lady sunglasses watching a lion jump out of their TV screen and on to their coffee table. That's just what you need when you take your one hour to relax after dinner: a man-eating predator leaping at your face so you can see its goolies. Where do I purchase one?

 Bizarrely, however, gadget boys, and journalists are making squirrel noises because they can now watch the World Cup or the State of Origin in 3D, which reminds me of the derricks who got excited about those mini TVs in the 1980s. And boy, didn't they catch on...

 About the only thing you need less than a 3D TV set is a friggin' iPad and, seriously, any person who actually queues up to buy this sort of stuff really needs to re-examine their priorities in life. Look, buy one if you must (I'll wait 2 years I reckon), but honestly, there are other tried and tested technologies that give you far more bang for your buck and are easily more life changing. TV in three dimensions and an over-sized iPhone might give some people a stiffy but I reckon there's other pieces of white man's magic that's muuuuuch cheaper and, for my money, provides far more value. Like:

Rice cookers:

 Anyone boiling rice in a pot is an idiot. A quarter of a billion Asian households and 25,000 Chinese takeaway stores can't be wrong. You know why steamed rice at those places tastes 10 times better than what's coming out of your pot at home? A rice cooker. They cost $50.

Foxtel:

 It gets a bad rap but if you think "there's nothing on", then you're not looking. Between the astounding amount of sport, movies, news (I mean ASTOUNDING) and dramas such as The Wire, Madmen, Breaking Bad and Love My Way, suck-you-in reality shows such as Project Runway (Australia and US) and the original British Master Chef, as well as Seinfeld repeats, you can fill your brain with useless crap for life (and that is all pretty much on the basic package).
Foxtel IQ:

 My friend swears by this - though she does have 2 and 3/4 children. "Find someone who's got one to show you what it does. You won't know how you lived without it. If you think there's nothing on Foxtel, this will unlock the value. You will never watch an advertisement, nor aimlessly channel flick ever again" she says. Minor gripe: The memory needs to be bigger.

Peer-to-Peer software:

 Let me sum up the attitude of TV networks to the internet. Say you want to legally catch a US or British TV show online. You click on the site, sit through a 30-second ad with crystal clear picture and audio and then you get this message: "Sorry we're unable to offer this video to viewers in your region." Oh, really? You couldn't have told me that before I gave you a viewing impression for your friggin' foot-long sandwich ad? How about you go get rooted?

 This is one of many reasons I find it hard to generate sympathy for TV networks and film studios when people illegally download their most popular products before they arrive in this country. Until the networks realize this sort of instant, global download is the way forward and learn how to make it simpler and easier than pirating, they'll continue to lose viewership. If a person is technically savvy enough to want to watch a show online, you think they'll say "Gosh, it's not available in my region; I better wait 18 months and not download it from the 4000 illegal torrent sites that are two clicks away on my mouse."
 Seriously, I know movie nuts that haven't been to a video store in two years because of Vuze and uTorrent. Which isn’t all bad for the producers: you want eyeballs on your product and, even if 25 per cent of your audience is via illegal downloads, people are still talking about your show or movie and turning on other viewers. Suck it up, networks.

People-who-read/bought-this-also-read/bought-this recommendation tool on Amazon:                                                       For those of us who have a very specific taste in books, this feature is invaluable.  How the hell else are you going to find something new to read? Christ knows you can't trust most musty, heads-up-their-arse reviewers.

An iPhone or BlackBerry:

 Again, find someone who's got one or the other to show you what they do. You won't know how you lived without it. After that demo, if your next phone is not an iPhone or a BlackBerry, then you're a jackass. Literally, you're as stubborn as a mule.  iPhone gripe: Battery life, and you have to buy a protective cover and anti-glare thingamy.

Foxtel IQ iPhone app:

Goes without saying, doesn't it?

Crock Pot:

 Aka a slow cooker. Once all the rage, then gloriously unfashionable, now making a comeback in a big way. If you're pushed for time, cut up veggies, meat, whatever you want in the morning or night before. Set it to cook and, by the time you get home, you've got a meal that tastes like it was worried over by a 70-year-old Italian papa for 10 hours. They cost about $50. Download your 1300 Crockpot Recipes eBook for free and away you go.

Honourable mentions:  
 It's a given that the internet is the greatest invention of my lifetime, followed closely by iPods, GPS navigation, laptop computers and in-shower radios. I can't bring myself to put any video game console down here because they once ate my life. Feel free to nominate your own piece of technology.

Heaven is........

 Staying in your pyjamas ALL DAY…and going to the shops in them doesn’t elicit stares, even though you know your hair looks like a 5 year old boy's who just woke up from a 12 hour sleep, and probably deserves a few second glances....in heaven bed head is a sign of wealth and all round AWESOMENESS.

 Fat free Tim Tams. Not only are they fat free, eating them has as many calories as the airy cloud you are floating on. Num Num Num and Num. A TV station totally devoted to Glee, Gossip Girl, The Vampire Diaries and Desperate Housewives, and there is no season finale...they just keep rolling, 24/7.....“Don’t stop believe’n, hold on to that feeling!’’

 The air smelling like baby breath, and the folds in their chubby baby necks. Have you ever smelt anything more delicious? If only Glade could bottle that smell and sell it, I wouldn’t have to wait for baby dust or heaven to get my smelly fix. Not having to spend hours learning to dance or play an instrument. When you get there, you are instantly gifted with ‘So you think you can Dance’ talent and Elton John fingers, and you can do both at the same time while singing like Beyonce. And even though everyone else has the same talent, everyone else will still think you are amazingly extraordinary.

 Time....time to read a whole book cover to cover. Time to sit on a swing in a park in the sun. Time to snuggle in bed with your partner and just talk...or kiss, a bit. Time to watch all the movies I love....starting with Gone With The Wind and ending with Secondhand Lions and Never Ending story falling somewhere in the middle.

 Throwing a decadent Christmas lunch and everyone I have ever loved past or present, dead or alive turns up....and we ALL get along. Your turn, finish this sentence. Heaven is.......................................

Women want love; men need sex. So now what?!

 There's a man I know; let's call him Paul. Over the years he's learnt that, to get what he wants - regular sex from a woman - he has to form some sort of a "relationship". And so he fakes one. Or two. Or five. All at once. He manipulates women into thinking that he is the perfect man by wining, dining and treating them with the perfect blend of loyalty and bad-boy-turned-good persona.

 "I've changed," he purrs lovingly to each and every one of them. "And you've been the one to change me." Cue female hearts melting, skirts lifting and hearts breaking. Paul doesn't rush these women. Oh no. He moves slowly and sneakily, knowing very well that slow and steady wins the race. Or at least another blow job.

 "Wow, he's waited so long!" the unsuspecting women say, clapping their hands in glee, imagining themselves walking down the aisle and what their babies might looks like. "He must really like me!" Or worst of all; "I think I might have finally found 'the one'!". And so they give in to sleeping with him. And he laughs arrogantly to himself when another one bites the dust...

 Paul is not one of a kind. There are thousands of Pauls trawling nightclubs and bars, searching for unsuspecting female victims on the hunt for a boyfriend, a husband or a part-time ATM. They can pick their prey instantly; know just how to dupe them and then how to toss them aside like a used piece of gum. We like to call him the Manipulative Man.

 Then there's Eric, also known as The Player. He meets a girl, buys her a drink and invites her back to his place. He tells her he's never met anyone like her, opens up about his childhood "issues" and before either of them knows it, her legs are in the air and she's cooking him eggs and bacon in the morning. All it cost him was a $12 cocktail and a ride home in the morning...if she's lucky.

 My point? That we all need to be a little more aware of the fact that sometimes men want sex (and will do or say anything to get it) and women want relationships (and will do or believe anything if they think one is on the horizon). While the sexually liberated among you might throw up your hands in protest and declare that not all women want a relationship, it's actually been statistically proven.

 A study carried out by James Madison University and published in the journal Sex Roles, discovered that most women do want a relationship and no matter how sexually liberated they are, still fear that casual sex will lead them to become emotionally attached to the dude they've just bonked. Only a measly 2 per cent of women said they strongly preferred hooking up to a relationship, while 17 per cent of men preferred casual sex over the whole wining and dining shebang. (By my reckoning, the stat is way higher for the men, I'm just not sure too many would admit it for reasons outlined above.)

 The reason for the stats being this way is in the biological make-up of the sexes. Men physically need a "release" due to the build-up of semen in their testes, which then tells their brain that they need sexual satisfaction in order to release it...and fast. Women, on the other hand, are biologically wired to be pickier about what they do with whom. After all, sex is a big investment for gals because it can lead to nine months of pregnancy and 18 years of child-rearing. Combined with the fact that women’s brains don't tell them they need a physical release every 24 to 48 hours, and it's obvious why a relationship is more appealing than just a one-night stand.

 Of course we can always ignore stats and biology and conclude that not all men want sex. That it's simply a case of the media, men's magazines and the sex trade giving us false impressions that macho men are incapable of love and feelings and commitment and companionship. But, as a single girl, when all you meet out and about are Pauls and Erics, it's tough to understand that there are any men who think differently. Or perhaps we just don't know where to find them...

What do you think?

One misspelled word makes a BIG difference…

 A school teacher once a month has a sticker day.  She gives each child a sticker and asks them to write a story about it. On this day she gave a little boy a sticker with a horse on it, his story is below.