Ooh la la: Is going braless ever appropriate?

 Who would have thought that bras would be around this long? Certainly not Germaine Greer, who in the early 1960s refused to wear a bra insisting it was a "ludicrous invention". Yet exactly 41 years on, after her ground-breaking tome The Female Eunuch hit the feminist airwaves, it seems the undergarment is here to stay. Yep, a whopping 95 per cent of Aussie women own a bra, with most females housing at least six in their wardrobes.

 But Greer isn't impressed with the lack of free-flowing bosoms on display. She wrote in The Guardian newspaper that bras had turned modern breasts into somewhat of a joke...

 "Where once 'boobs' were a secret waiting to be revealed, now double welts of marbled flesh propped up by balcony bras are pushed at you by waitresses, schoolgirls and receptionists of all ages," she wrote. "Where once you would have blushed to display a bra strap, dresses are cut so low that the brassiere and its bulging overspill are on permanent display...Now that you can buy them, bosoms are over."

 I'm not quite sure whether bosoms will ever be "over". After all, what will happen to Playboy bunnies, celebrity plastic surgeons and Pamela Anderson? Yet, despite the brassiere's increasing popularity (we can thank Heidi Klum, Lady Gaga and Jean Paul Gaultier's conical bras for that), these days, if a woman's breasts are naturally perky, upright and the right size, should she be forced to wear a bra? I mean, really, what purpose would a bra have for these anomalies, other than to make them walk around constricted, barely able to breathe and with metal wires sticking into their ribs?

 At least this seems to be the mantra of France's first lady Carla Bruni, who arrived at a state dinner in a dress so tight it might as well have been made of cling wrap. Oh, and she wasn't wearing a bra either. While news headlines around the world debated whether or not her decision to go without her nipples being covered up was indeed a sound choice to be made by France's first lady, the real question on everyone's lips seemed to be this: is she too old to let her feminine assets run freely?

 Because, let's face it: while the Lindsay Lohans and Kate Mosses of the world might be able to get away with free-flowing breasts and pert nipples shining through see-through gowns, perhaps Bruni, aged 43, doesn't have as much freedom when it comes to what she should and shouldn't wear to important political occasions.

 She's not alone in garnering negative nipple-related press either. Forty-five year old Elizabeth Hurley came under similar fire for a similar nipple display, although she went one step further and donned a see-through sari dress.

 Yet, it wasn't hailed as a bad but "conscious" fashionable decision. Nor was it applauded for being a bold statement of the times that announced no matter what your age, if you can look that good with a bra, then you're free to go without one. Instead her choice to waltz up the red carpet sans a bra was dubbed a fashion "malfunction"; a mistaken slip of the nipple.

 Really? Surely, with all those stylists, agents, managers and makeover specialists surrounding Hurley's every move, would there ever really be such a thing as a mistaken case of the see-through dress? I think not.

 I'd be lying if I said I've never left the house in a dress without a bra for a more comfortable stroll around my neighbourhood without feeling imprisoned. But whether I would do the same if I was wearing a slightly see-through dress, I'm pretty sure the answer would be no. Whether I would give a supermodel or actress kudos for pulling off the look with sheer and utter confidence - absolutely...

Is it ever OK to go braless? Are women in their 40s such as Bruni and Hurley too old to go braless?

The year of the crepe.

 A couple of weeks ago, I was at the gym attempting pull-ups - you know, where you lie under a parallel bar and do a kind of reverse push-up, drawing yourself up from the ground. I'd done only one (sort of) pull-up when I looked at my forearm, pressed against the bicep and noticed that the skin was, well, wrinkled - in fact it was crepey - like you see on really, really old people. I immediately stopped exercising and examined my arms and there it was again - crepe. That's when I realised youth had waved a silent goodbye and kicked my ass on its way out and that, I really was getting old...
 For men they experience a similar epiphany when they discover their hair is thinning.

But, plenty of people lose their hair when they're still young, so that isn't positive proof you're beginning to decay. Crepe forearms are. After my discovery, I did an appalling, thorough check of my body and realised my neck was going the same way as my arms and, after brooding about it for a couple of weeks and moisturising myself like I was a salmon, I started to notice something else. Old people/lady noises. Increasingly, as I'd sit or stand, I'd make a kind of "yearrrgggh" sound as I eased my body into position.

It was involuntary and not done because I was in pain, it was almost a subconscious message to those younger than me that I was no longer a physical threat. But they could probably tell that from the crepey skin.

 There's a book called If I'd Only Known I'd Live this Long and Aussie author David Beard makes the suggestion we should "plan to live forever because you're never too old to try new things" which means "you expect to be able to do the things you want until the end of your days".  About the only thing you're too old for at my age is going out and getting drunk until dawn - yet plenty of people seem to think that's their fountain of youth or a way to show they "haven't lost it".

 And the choices we make today can have a huge impact on the lifestyle options we'll enjoy in 10, 20 and 30 years. Personally, I want to be living in or near the mountains in the next decade and skiing and snowboarding (uh yeah, right) into my 50s and 60s. And while I can't say that I'm tickled about the effects of ageing, life does have a way of taking with one hand and giving with the other. Our bodies might get flabby but, if we're lucky, our minds evolve and sharpen - at least until we go senile and need someone to wipe our bums and cut up our food. If you've got children, you also have the joy of watching them ripen and mature and hopefully you'll also be around to see their kids.

 So, while the bloom of youth is fun while it's around, there's plenty of stuff to look forward to once you to start to wrinkle. All of which brings to mind a gag by Woody Allen known as "My Next Life" which was pretty much the plot of Brad Pitt's The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. In my next life I want to live my life backwards.

 You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

 You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, and then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, and you play. You have no responsibilities; you become a baby until you are born.

 And then you spend your last nine months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then voila...You finish off as an orgasm!

When did you notice you were getting old? 

Because they are funny....

 I can’t stand game shows, simply because they are um....BORING. I’m not a play along and guess the answer type girl, mainly because I never know the answers. Then there are the long pauses and throws to commercial breaks before telling me if I yelled the correct answer at the telly while I was stirring the stew on the stove. And no matter how many times I watch it, I still don’t get what the hell Deal or No Deal is about, why do they wear those stripper wigs and why can’t some young hot fella’s hold those suitcases for a change....But...THIS is a game show I could watch, cause boy oh boy after the year I’ve had I would have answered EXACTLY the same way as Secily. Guys it’s not just women who have THAT on their mind all day long. Can’t believe they didn’t let her win, and who calls it a ding-a-ling...honestly...that word just makes me think of ice-cream.

Handcuffs- the key to getting what you want! (Joke)

 Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect girl’s getaway trip - shopping, casinos, massages, facials. Two days before the group is to leave Mary’s husband puts his foot down and tells her she isn’t going. Mary’s friends are very upset that she can’t go, but what can they do? Two days later the three get to the hotel only to find Mary sitting in the bar drinking a glass of wine. “Wow, how long have you been here and how did you talk your husband into letting you go?”

 “Well, I’ve been here since last night. Yesterday evening I was sitting on the couch and my husband came up behind me and put his hands over my eyes and said ‘Guess who’?”
 "I pulled his hands off to find that all he was wearing was his birthday suit. He took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room was scented with perfume, had two dozen candles and rose petals all over........On the bed, he had handcuffs and ropes! He told me to tie and cuff him to the bed, so I did. And then he said, “Now, you can do whatever you want.”

“So here I am.”