Forget accessories like watches and handbags, the only thing most of my clothes would accessorize with would be some cymbals between my knees and a couple of ice-cream containers to play as drums. Fashion experts say the way you present yourself says something about you, even before you speak. I think most of my outfits normally say either: “Keep me away from children” or “Would you like to buy The Big Issue?”
When some people choose clothes, they dress to feel sexy, fashionable, or stylish. I like to dress to feel…comfy. Put it this way, I have never met a pair of tracksuits pants that I didn’t like. Forget the debate about whether the high waist or the low waist is in this season; I only care about the elastic waist. I don’t care about “the new black” I care about “the new track (ies)”.
My problem with John Howard (former Australian Prime Minister) was never that he wore the Wallabies tracksuit when he went on his early morning power-walks. My problem was that he didn’t wear them all…the…time. When all the world leaders came to Australia for APEC, forget the Akubras and Drysabones I would have liked to see them all decked out in the Green and Gold trackies. I bet everyone in the room would have been a lot happier and in the mood to negotiate if after a long official lunch they didn’t have to let their belt out a couple of notches.
You see that’s the thing about tracksuit pants, they are forgiving. If you buy a pair of skinny jeans and put on a couple of kilos, your legs end up looking like someone is trying to squeeze icing onto a cake. Tracksuit pants don’t even notice if you have gained weight, they are like the best friend you will ever have.
Whether you need them for a jog or yoga, nursing a hangover, or getting over a broken relationship sitting on the couch eating icing sugar and crying at Sorbent ads…they will be there to support and comfort you. And tracksuits pants don’t demand much in return. They don’t need to be dry-cleaned, or steam-cleaned, or hung or folded like some “needy” clothes. Just pick them up from the floor where you left them the night before, give them a quick sniff test and away you go.
I have to be honest, I think I love trackies so much, I would even consider getting married wearing them. Of course the only downside to that master plan being if you are the sort of person who thinks it is okay to wear tracksuit pants to a wedding…nobody is ever going to marry you. But really, suits and dresses may look good, but they are bloody uncomfortable. Nobody has ever said: “I’ll join you out on the couch in a minute…but I just want to change into my 3-piece Armani.”
Personally my idea of getting dressed up is putting on my good tracksuits pants (the ones that have the rope tie at the waist as well as the elastic) and making sure they don’t have any suspicious stains on them. Unless you work at home I think there are only two jobs where it is okay for you to wear trackies all the time: professional sports person or professional drug dealer.
Clearly tracksuit pants need a PR campaign and slogan. And so I thought I would come up with one:
They
are comfy, and dependable, and I think they’re cute. This is my ode to the
humble tracksuit:
They
are warm, and yet stylish, there is nothing sinister, worn by humble workers,
sports stars, and even Prime Ministers. And if you are worried,
they make you look crapper, then just add some bling and they become gangsta
rapper. You can wear them all day, and there will be no dramas, and then wear
them to bed and they become pyjamas. You can wear them while sober,
drunk, awake or asleep, oh, and did I forget to mention, they are bloody cheap. They really are super to the humble tracksuits, if combined
with some thongs or even Ugh Boots…So whether you’re Carl Williams or on So You Think You Can Dance? Let’s all stand and salute the wonder that is trackie pants!
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