If there’s free frozen yoghurt, then, I’m in!

  Strolling the streets on a recent shopping trip with a friend, we stumbled upon a health and fitness expo. Tempted not by the prospect of educational information, but by the possibility of finding free frozen yoghurt, I let my friend drag me in.
  Last time I visited a health fair, I walked out with all sorts of potions and vitamins, which are still sitting in my cupboard, seals intact. You see, I’m good at being motivated while at an expo, but unfortunately, when I get home, despite all the talk of renovating myself, I’m still the same old me. Now that I’m more cynical, my message to stall holders is this: quit calling me over with promises of changing my life; there are only two things that will draw me to your stand – frozen yoghurt, and lollies.
  Dragging my heels like a grumpy child trailing behind her mum around the supermarket, I was suddenly grabbed by a man at a holistic healthcare stand who said he had to ‘read’ me. Measuring up his wizened eyes and wispy white beard, I let him seat me on a stool – not because I wanted a reading, but because I’m susceptible to stereotypes and I was pretty sure this guy was Gandalf.
 With an all-knowing look, he said he could tell what was wrong with me. Trying not to be offended because I thought I was the only one who was aware of the personality hang-ups that made me less than perfect, I let him look into my eyes with a flashlight and magnifying glass. Lowering the torch, he asked if I wanted to hear the bad news. There I was, thinking the bad news was simply that I was bored at a health expo, but no, he said he’d seen in my left iris that I was going to have heart problems. Great! Thanks for the heads-up, strange man who only just met me and hasn’t even bothered to ask about my health or family history. I mean, I haven’t got any medical training, but I’m pretty sure it takes more than staring into someone’s eyes for 10 seconds to determine their health status.
 Then he asked if I wanted the good news. The only good news he could possibly give me at this stage was that he wasn’t a health expert and was off to film the next instalment of Lord Of The Rings, but no, apparently he had a sure for my heart issue.
  Turning around, he pointed to a shelf filled with bottles of tablets that would ensure I lived a long and healthy life. How convenient! I kindly declined his offer, and walked away. I had bigger and more important things to deal with, such as trying to find the frozen yoghurt stand.