I hate going shopping for a bra!

 Don’t know about you, but I believe with my whole heart and soul that the most horrid thing in the world to do is go bra shopping. I’d rather have my eyelashes pulled out one lash at a time by a toothless sheep herder who hasn’t had a bath EVER. In fact I think I hate bra shopping more than men hate being asked to pop down to the shops to pick up the wife’s tampons.   So it was no surprise to me to find out that 70% of women are wearing the wrong sized bra, which can be a pain in the neck, back and shoulders, can cause shortness of breath and highlight another one of my pet hates: BACK FAT!
  Most women share this hatred with me, and it starts from the good old training bra. How hideous was it going to the bra section with your mum proudly telling all and sundry that like a flower you were budding, and having your new little twin peaks poked and prodded by some old duck with minty breath. Then the boys at school stop playing footy at lunch and make a sport of flicking your bra straps or just plain staring at them during maths class.
  I’m in the habit of finding a style I like and buying one in every colour so I don’t have to think about it until the bras develop Baggy Back, which is a bra term for loose at the back which causes a see-saw affect at the front. Noice. Apparently there are quite a few terms for different bras:
The Catholic bra: one that supports the masses (mine).
The Salvation Army bra: lifts the fallen.
The Baptist bra: makes mountains out of molehills.
  One helpful website suggested that when buying a bra, one should compare it to buying a pair of shoes. Excuse me? Buying shoes is a joy, a delight, in fact when I get to heaven I’ll be surrounded by shoes. Being in a fluoro-lit change room, trying to find a bra that doesn’t squeeze my back fat, feels more like hell.
  Buying a bra is like entering a battlefield. Wrong cup size, your boobs bulge over or worse, don’t fill. Wrong chest size and, yep, back fat or zero support which equals black eyes when you go for a run. Wrong cut and you can’t wear certain clothes. Under wire supposedly causes cancer, yet no under wire and you sag (ewww). Wrong material and you itch. Frilly and pretty or plain and versatile. Seamless or stitch. Lift or separate. Padded (misleading) or natural (depressing).
  Are you starting to feel sorry for us yet boys? If only we needed to wear bras just to impress men. Although they appreciate them, what boy leaves a bra on long enough to realise it took two miserable hours to select. They all exclaim they look lovely, but a whole lot better on their floor.
  Sadly we need to wear them to maintain perkiness. In fact I once read that we should wear a bra to bed if we wanted the girls to be higher than our knees at 60. Agh the horror.  And guys, so sorry for the bra rant, next time I’ll give you tips on how to un-clip a bra with one hand whilst pissed and in the dark.