My last blog entry for 2011: my 2012 reasons for being more resolute.

 From now on I refuse to write resolutions. New Year’s ones, that is. Every year I make ‘em. And then every year I break ‘em. No midweek drinking tips into, “Gee, my best friend’s coming over for dinner so it’d be rude not to open a bottle of beer. Might just have a glass so they don’t feel like an alcoholic. OK maybe make that two glasses.”   Cutting back on chocolate melts into, “Just one square won’t hurt. Oooh, it’s dark chocolate that means I can have two. It’s good for you right? Look, there’s a little bit hanging off the end. I can’t leave it looking messy.”
 And bulking up my once-a-week gym workout collapses into “Hmm, I feel I’m coming down with something. Better not go to the gym. That’d definitely make it worse. Running’s bad for the knees too, you know.” (But having said that, my mum’s comment yesterday afternoon that, “Your arms are wobbly. And your tummy. And your legs. The only bit that’s not wobbly is your back!” makes me want to have entire body liposuction!!!)
 So I thought, this year, I would write resolutions for everyone else. Here goes:
Kyle Sandilands (a radio shock-jock): This man is the real Christmas turkey. His resolution should be to put his brain into gear before operating the dangerous machinery otherwise known as his mouth.
Shane Warne (a cricket player): What happened to the real Warnie? He’s been replaced by some weird Ken Doll. The King of Spin is too thin! Next year, he should resolve to release his inner bogan (sort of like a redneck, or a hick).
Kim Kardashian (no comment!!): Probably a good idea not to marry anyone in 2012. Or, if she does, might be handy if she actually loves him. It’s also advisable to keep one’s promises. And remember to put clothes on before going out of the house.
Kevin Rudd (former Australian Prime Minister): Be bold, Tintin. Like the nerdy boy hero, the Kevinator has a knack for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. May he have the resolve to snatch back his favourite toy.
Tony Abbott (another politician – enough said!): Buy an Oxford Dictionay, Tony, so you can learn words other than “No”.
Julia Gillard (current Prime Minister – no comment here either): Buy Ita’s book on manners. It’s not nice to stab people in the back and then to ignore them.
Karl Stefanovic (morning T.V show host): Next year it might be wise to avoid anything involving liquids, specifically Bass Strait and alcohol. Nuff said.

 And if you’re struggling with resolutions this weekend, how about this one: “I will no longer waste my time reliving the past; I will instead worry about the future”. Have a happy New Year!