Beauty bandits.

 I note that outside every beauty salon and health spa I pass this summer there's an ad for a "detox" treatment. Yep, the beauty bandits are out in full force, along with the sand flies.

 It's a compelling notion that you can clean out your body in the same way you might pour Drano down the sink, especially if it feels as if your system is clogged after too much festive season indulgence.

 According to the quacks, you can clean your body of toxins - your liver, bowel, intestines, skin and even your hair - with everything from lemon, cayenne pepper and vinegar to exotic "botanicals" gathered from the Amazon jungle, the plains of Africa and the mountains of Tibet. You'll flush "poisons" from your body, lose weight and boost your immune system.

 I don't suppose it's worth pointing out that detox products have been proved to be absolutely useless by a large body of scientific research. Fact is, your body is superbly designed to naturally rid itself of toxic substances. If your body did retain nasty wastes and toxins you'd be dead by now. You'll note that no one ever specifies what these "toxins" are, or indeed any medical information on how to assess or gauge if they've actually been banished.

 The whole concept of detox is dodgy and in some cases dangerous, the experts warn. In these restrictive and nutty eating plans you run the risk of depriving yourself of nutrients and actually weaken your body's ability to fight infection. Side effects can include fatigue, headaches, irritability, aches and pains.

 Still, everyone's intrigued by celebrities who advocate these regimens - like Beyonce, who attributed her 10kg weight loss for the movie Dreamgirls to the "Master Cleanse", in which she swallowed nothing but lemon juice mixed with maple syrup, water and cayenne pepper, salt water and a laxative tea for 10 days. Eyew! Beyonce must have spent a good deal of time in the loo, I'm guessing. Sexy!

 And likewise, you'll be flushing money down the toilet when you buy these expensive detox treatments. The solution to those extra kilos? Eat less and have a nice lie down, say the scientists. Excellent advice.

 And when you're kicking back in the hammock, don't forget to spray yourself with repellent - not for the sand flies, but as protection from those pesky beauty bandits who are trying to put the bite on you this summer.