Tongs and thongs make Australia Day! (Online blog)

 Ah, Australia Day (Wednesday the 26^th of January.) Doesn’t it make you feel all warm and gooey inside? It’s one of my favourite days of the year. In the week leading up, my chest is puffed out that little bit further (actually that could be the push-up bra), there’s a purposeful stride in my step, and I begin to crave Vegemite on toast for the first time in a long time. In honour of this great day, I’ve compiled a list of the top five things that make us “Australian”:

Thongs:

Don’t ask for them in the US unless you want g-strings. Elsewhere known as jandals or flip-flops, these unattractive pieces of rubber are as Australian as Vegemite. But they’re bad for you, leading to splaying of the sole, also known as duck feet in my family.

Reckon:

I have a friend who refuses to “reckon”. Don’t worry – his day of reckoning will surely come. I love a good, old-fashioned reckoning. The use of the word need not be followed by anything that resembles fact, or even strong belief. You just have to “reckon”, and people think “Yep, that sounds fair dinkum to me”.

Oyster Bay:

That’s right; you can pick a true Aussie by the number of bottles of NZ sauvignon Blanc in his fridge. It remains our top-selling wine. Choice, bro’. I will revisit this list in a year’s time and, hopefully by then, it will be replaced by a Hunter Valley chardonnay.

Danger:

Where else in the world do people confront danger on a daily basis? Whether it’s sharks in our jewelled seas or snakes on our sweeping plains, we’ve got enough deadly animals to poke a stick at. (Best not to, of course.) Then there are the crocs in our waterways, spiders lurking under logs and those infernal drop bears. (Actually they don’t exist. But it’s fun to tell tourists about these huge koala bears that drop from trees and scare the pants off you.)

Mates:

A lot of women don’t “do” mate. They reckon it’s blokey. Impersonal. I use it all the time, even when I know the person’s name. It confers an instant camaraderie, a kinship. An understanding that we’re all in this together. Technically, it means “one of a wedded pair”, if you look into its etymology, but that doesn’t matter. Don’t you love, when you come home from overseas, hearing the first “G’Day mate?” It’s music to the ears!

 So have a ripper Oz Day, Cobber. Sing the national anthem loud and proud – even if you only know the first verse. Wear one of those silly cork hats, and wave the flag with pride. Throw a snag on the barbie and burn some slabs of dead cow. Because I am, you are, we are Australian.

HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY EVERYONE!!